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Hoop’-la Department.


This is the small print where I deny everything and refuse to take any responsibility for anything. Any opinions given should not be taken as facts & any facts given should not be taken as opinions. As an extra precaution all the really small print is in white text, this is copyrighted .


E. & O. E.


Copyright www.petespintpot.co.uk  2008. First published 17 October 2008, last updated  19 March 2017.


Pete’s Pint Pot is dedicated to the home production & sensible drinking of beer, wine, cider & meads plus a little bit of china painting & a few bits of photograph tampering.


If you are affected by any of the articles on this site or any of the issues raised in them, I truly feel very sorry for you.


Finally the sanity clause: As Chico Marx

famously said to brother Groucho,


  “Everybody knows there ain't no

     Sanity Clause!”



WARNING:-

Some pages may contain music!

Do not enter this site if you are allergic to nuts!

* Home Page & Site Search

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    * General

             * Good Health

                     * “Diabetic” Beer & Wine Recipes

             * Herbs & Spices

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             * Electric Booze

             * Glasses

             * Pete’s Pint Pot Problem Page

             * Non-Alcoholic Drinks

             * Alcoholic Cocktails

                     * Mull Page

             * Learners Page

             * Saints

             * Kit Modification

             * Beer & Wine Kit Reviews

             * Jam & Other Miscellanous Recipes

    * Beer Pages

             * Clone Page

             * Piggy-back Beer Recipes

                     * Priming Beers

             * Partial Mashing & Steeping

             * Beer Style

                     * Periodic Table

             * Hops

             * Malt & Sugars

             * Beers I Have Known

    * Wine Pages

             * Alligator Wine & Other Recipes

             * General Wine Recipes  

             * Grapes & Wines

             * Poisonous Plants

    * Cider, Perry & Meads Page

             * More Braggots & Meads

             * Piggy-back Cider Recipes

    * Spirit Page

             * Spirits – An Insight To Their Production

    * Potty Page

             * Image Manipulation

             * Nice Page

             * Music Page

Pete’s Pint Pot Problem Page



             in the tradition of the “problem pages” found in all the lousy “newspapers” & dire magazines etc., do not expect any names to be real, or any of these “letters” to be remotely genuine, no matter how stupid they may seem.


Dear Cracked-pot Peat,

I think the soft-closing toilet seat is the best invention ever.

T. Crapper


Well Thomas, it may be but when you visit someone who has not got one …..


Paint Peter’s Pot

It is said that cats always land on their feet & that bread/toast always falls the buttered side

down. Well, the next cat that comes into my garden will have it’s back buttered & we will put

the saying to the test!

What I want to know is how many times should the experiment be repeated to eliminate any

statistical errors & how many cats should I use, or, shall the same cat every time?

E. Schrödinger


Erwin, your name rings a bell.

(Please note that no animals were hurt on this site.)


Deer Pee Pot,

I am Bic Pentameter.


Biro,

It just does not scan.


Dear Pant Pot

The earth, moon, planets, sun & even the galaxy have only two poles, why can't you?

P. Blair


Polar,

That is a question I continually ask myself's but we cannot agree on a consensus of opinions!


Dear Pete’s spot

I always get mixed up using metric units.

Gromet. (Not my real name!)


Well Ed it has been quite obvious in your last two jobs (at least) & it’s not confined to just

weights & measures.

The one thing to remember is that 1 Centiband = 10 Milibands!


This morning, the wife left a note in the ‘fridge door saying “It’s not working, I cannot take anymore. I’m going home to my Mother’s.”

Well, when I opened the door the light came on & the Stella was ice cold .... I do not understand what the Hell was she talking about?

Anon.


I sure beats me!


Dear Pansy Pot,

I’m thinking of expanding my show-business into ladies underwear using my name as a trade name. What do you think of this idea?

W. Shatner

Dear Bill,

Well, as they say, go for it! Personally, of the alternative titles, I personally prefer the name “Williams Knickers” myself.


Dear Peter,

I think your site is very amateurish & extremely annoying.


Dear Reader,

You are quite correct, the site is very amateurish as I am an amateur at web design & beer & wine making etc., etc., please read the third main paragraph on my Home Page.


Dear P. Pot

I have noticed an inordinate number of  slugs & snails in our garden. I have heard of people setting “beer traps” for them, is this a practical solution?

R. Meldew


Bob

The main thing to avoid is slug pellets as, when eaten by the pests, they can kill birds & frogs etc. who feed on term. Using slug traps is an excellent idea. Use John Smith’s or any “smooth”, lager, such as Stella or any “Euro-lagers” are just as good.

WARNING: Do NOT drink, not fit for human consumption - only suitable for slugs, snails & other pests.


Dear Petespintpot,

I have just finished brewing your Brer Abbot beer but the OG was a couple of degrees lower than the figure you quoted & the FG was a few degrees higher than what you quoted. What am I doing wrong? Signed Tar Baby


Dear Tar Baby,

Everything is O. K., the quoted OG includes the effect of the priming sugars which can easily add two or more degrees & the FG is dependant on the “efficiency” of the yeast used.


UPDATE:- I have re-calculated my recipes to exclude the priming sugar from the OG, hope this helps to avoid future confusion.


Dear Peasant,

I want to make a batch of Peach Nectar but the only white grape juice I can buy has 15g of sugar per litre & your recipe quotes 15.6g, can I add extra sugar to the recipe to compensate? Signed Ms. P Geldorf.


Dear Ms. P,

The figures quoted are for the ingredients I used & fed into my YoBrew calculator. In your case the shortfall of sugar is 0.9g per 100ml of grape juice, or 10 x 0.9g for a litre giving 9g in total. I suppose you could add an extra 10g of sugar but it is far from critical, the difference will only affect the OG by about 0.8° & the alcohol by about 0.1%. Quantities are not all that critical in my recipes.


Dear Pete,

In your Cider With Roses recipe you do not state what colour rose to use, is this an important omission? Signed Rosie.


Dear Rosie,

Colour is not important. Just choose a rose that has a lovely smell, a red rose may add a very slight tinge to your cider which can only add interest. Do not be tempted to add lots of flowers as they can easily be overpowering, after trying one brew you can always modify it next time. Please avoid using any poisonous flowers, if in doubt don’t bother.


Dear Pete,

Can you please add my BROWN Ale to your recipe page?


Dear Gordon,

Sorry but I can’t. Just looking at the recipe it seems to have too many ingredients that don’t appear to work together & would prove costly to make, the method looks badly thought through & I imagine the result will prove unpalatable, &, as usual, some other poor sod will get the blame & the poor taxpayer will have to foot the bill. Next time you see that nice Mrs. Merkel, may I suggest you ask her if she has a recipe for success.


David,


I’m sorry you feel left (right?) out of it, I assure you that there is nothing personal involved, you may well have a chance after the next general election. If this happens I may have to do an article on Champagne & throw in a few recipes as well although you will have to educate your Eton palate to accept fruits (& vegetables) other than the boring old grape.


UPDATE:- Well done, you actually made it!

You could try making a beer called “Cameron’s Strong Arm Bitter” but you will, no doubt, rush this though without fully considering the consequences & make the result un-palatable to a lot of people!


Dear Potty Pete

I am sick & tired of the “Real Ale Taliban” (including YOU!) telling me what beers to drink. If I dislike real ales but enjoy drinking smooth beers, Carlsberg, Stella, Guinness & Magners cider, wot’s it got to do with you?

Signed J. Tetley


I wholeheartedly agree with you Joshua. You should drink what you like. On the point of “real ales”, the term sadly, does not imply the goodness of the finished product. I actually prefer the drinks you mention to some of  the “real ales” available on the market, some are badly designed & disgusting.


Dear Aunty Pete,

Both my husband Tyrone & my son Tyson, like smooth beers, can you please find us a suitable recipe?

Signed Whitney Harlot Smith, Essex.

(P. S. The “t” is silent except in Smyth, which is pronounced Smifff.)


Dear Whitney,

NO!!


Dear Pete,

I am an all grain masher, can your beer recipes be made using grains? Signed John Smith.


Dear John,

Yes is the short answer, 1Kg of pale malt is equivalent to about 725g of liquid malt extract & 615g dry. BUT you will notice that some of my recipes were made using the YoBrew Extract Calc. “Quick” method & so the hopping rates etc. will have to be re-calculated. The long answer is also yes.


Dear Mr. Spintpot,

I’m thinking of adding a tax to home brewing as it seems mostly popular amongst the (former) working class. Do you think a special rate of 100% would be sufficient?


Dearest Darling,

Don’t tax you pretty little head, try boiling it!


Eric,

Thanks for you enquiry, I think it best for all concerned not to print the details. I’m not a medical man but if the swelling & the rash don’t subside after a week I think you should see your Doctor.


Dear Voter,

Can my husband claim for £1000 for a beer kit on my expenses?


Dear Jacqui,

That would make good economic sense, unlike the piffling 80p you spent on a bath plug, if you’d actually bought one it would have been at least £1.15, but this is irreverent, claiming for anything less than £5 is just wasting the staffs’ time.


P. S. Don’t forget to add on the VAT & claim for the water used. If he goes to your local supermarket he can buy beer for the bottles (essential) & add the petrol used as well.


Hope to see you both on TV & in the papers again soon.


CORRECTION:- Unfortunately I misquoted the price of the plug which should have been 88p. I apologize for any embarrassment or distress this may have caused. On a safety point, always ensure you have the correct size fuse fitted, obviously, in a case like this, 13 Amp would be far too high. Also note that I would gladly send you a cheque for 88p if you bought another new plug & stuffed it in your gob!


Dear Peter,

My brother Earnest & I are wondering why your wine recipes are all very similar.


Dear Julio,

If you think my wines are all very similar just look at what the commercial makers use, just grapes, water, sugar & chemicals! Grapes! How quaint! (And you think MY recipes LACK IMAGINATION!)


Back to my recipes, the “base” recipe is very similar to those found in many books, I’ve adapted it, using the YoBrew calculators, to use the minimum additives, easy to make, give what I think are reasonable parameters on paper but, more importantly, to have a consistently acceptable end result. I personally find the wine very enjoyable & very versatile, changing the components or adding extra bits, like a tin of fruit (best opened first, add the contents then wash & re-cycle the label & washed can), gives an almost infinite variety of wines.


Dear Pete,

With reference to your The Plight of the Bumblebee article, didn’t Dee Beelius write a tune with the same title?

Signed Mrs. Q. Bee.


Dear Queenie,

It’s good to have a letter from a cultured person like yourself on this site, someone who can think of things other than just pouring alcohol down their neck. Well spotted, but unfortunately the piano solo was not wrote by her but by the Russian composer Николай Андреевич Римский-Корсаков (AKA Nikolai Andreyevich Rimsky-Korsakov) around 1899-1900 as an orchestral interlude in his opera “The Tale of Tsar Saltan”. Obviously there are no lyrics as the Bees could not remember them but they can hum the tune. I’ve even seen a “MUSIC” web site attribute this work to Пётр Ильи́ч Чайко́вский, possibly more commonly known to most of you as Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Pjotr Iljitsch Tschaikowsky or even Petr Chaikovskiy, there are quite a few variations of the name available so if you do spell it wrong, no one can prove it. Amongst some other good stuff, Tchaikovsky wrote “Nutrocker” recorded by B. Bumble & the Stingers & “Saturday Night At The Duck Pond” recorded by The Cougars, both in the early 1960’s (I just threw that last one in, no connexion to anything). Another very interesting point about these writers is the fact that a lot of their tunes have even been successfully recorded by some of those big, posh orchestras that use the old-fashioned instruments that you wind-up rather than plug-in.


Dear Peter,

Is it just me or are a lot of your beer recipes very similar. Signed P. Ossopher.


Dear Phil,

The answers are no & yes in that order. Taking the second question fist as it is obviously the easier to answer, as with the wine recipes I have adopted a “base recipe” which I adjust to suit the particular style that I wish to emulate. As usual I like to try keeping things simple & cheap, this is why sugar is used. The recipes should not be thought of as award winning brews but basic, potable drinks that can be made with the minimum of fuss & expense. Fuggles & Challenger hops are often used as I grow these in me back yard but other types can be substituted.


Back to your first question, I do not get many queries about existentialism on this site or indeed any other forms of philosophy. For those of you who do not generally dabble with such things, the adjective obviously comes from the Latin word existentiālis & literally translates as pertaining to existence although I think most of you would agree this definition can be very simplistic. Having said that most of you will also probably agree that to-days use of the word has also debased its’ value considerably, after being hi-jacked by the many pseudo-intellectuals with smart-arsed but intellectually moronic waffle, often using big words they don’t understand. A fair point to finish on I think as you will not find any of that pretentious psycho-babble on MY SITE!


P. S. Don’t ever get me started on about that Erwin Schrödinger & all those poor little cats he killed, only to shamelessly blame it on to other people just because they peeped. Bet he votes “New Labour”.


Hi Pete,

Only two of your “Alligator” wine recipes use acid, most of the recipes in my books use acid, have you forgotten to put it in the other recipes? Signed Miss B. Castle.


Dear Beyoncé,

By design I try to balance things up so that the minimum of “extra” chemicals are used. I bought a small tub of acid when I first started wine making, but I threw it out, un-finished & well past it’s sell by date, several years ago, I have however, on more than one occasion, successfully stuck a stick of rhubarb into wines to bring the acidity up to a reasonable level.


Dear Pete,

It’s me, John again, why is it that most of the big commercial breweries cannot make beers as good as those produced by the cheapest kits? John Smith.


Dear John Again,

Unlike most commercial beers, kit beers are not generally designed or produced by accountants, if you can see what these people have done to the World’s economy you can see a good parallel to the brewing industry, in both cases a phrase using the words “party” & “brewery” come to mind here. I’m not sure that most commercial beers are still brewed (as opposed to manufactured) anymore, I would not be surprised if hundreds of heavily laden ICI (or similar) lorries entered the “breweries” daily. Some of the money saved by these accountants is then given to another set of low-lifes called “admen”, they constantly try to convince the simple-minded that these “beers” are the best in the World & will immediately transform them into suave, witty intellectuals who would make Cary Grant look like Tom ****** (hint - using Lynx rather than washing or bathing always helps, it gives you that “je ne sais quoi”). There are a Hell of a lot of gullible, simple-minded people out there & it’s a great pity they cannot be protected.


Dearest Pete,

I’m thinking of making a fruit beer, any suggestions on what fruit dosage to use?

Yours forever, S. Fields.


It’s always very good to hear from you Strawberry. The most commonly used fruits are cherries (for kriek beers) & raspberries (framboise/framboose). I think a good starting point would be 150-200g of fruit per litre of beer. I would mash the fruit up, keeping any stones intact, & add the whole lot when the primary fermentation has almost ceased. As the colour & hops should not compete with the fruit, I would aim for a light-coloured beer with a low hopping rate of say around 20 EBU, late hops should be avoided. When making “experimental” beers it is best to make small quantities just in case they do not turn out too well, see my piggy-back beer recipe page, this also includes my Fram Booze recipe.


Dear Sir,

As a smug, smart-arsed, know-it-all git, can you please tell me what an occasional table is the rest of the time?

Vis. D. Linley


Hi Vis!,

I thought you would have known the answer to that, after all you earn a very good living by assembling flat-pack Ikea tables etc. & flog ‘em off at exorbitant prices.

Smug? Moi?


Dear Peter,

How is it that the type of yeast used affects the final gravity of a brew?

A. & P. Feinstein.


Dear Albert, dear Prudence,

Relativity is the key here, the final gravity is relative to the original gravity of the brew & also relative to the yeast’s efficiency. Normal (table) sugar or sucrose is 100% fermentable & so will be unaffected by the yeast type but malted grains etc. are typically only around 62% fermentable, an efficient yeast increase this figure, giving a dryer-tasting, lower final gravity beer, an inefficient yeast will ferment less, giving a sweeter-tasting, higher final gravity beer as more “un-fermentable” sugars are present.

As wines do not normally contain un-fermentable materials, the gravities are unaffected by the yeast used.


Dear Pete,

Several people (mostly non-brewers) have told me about their (un-named) mates who all seem to have made kit beers, added an extra Kg (or more) of sugar & ended up with an exceptionally powerful brew. Would you recommend this?

S. Kane.


Hi Sugar,

NO! This is the main reason home brew can get a bad name, the end product can be very strong as 1Kg of sugar will add about 2.6% ABV to a 23 litre batch. The beer will also have a poor, “thin” “body”, the side-effects tend to include vomiting followed by an industrial headache next morning whilst you continually repeat the mantra “Never again!”. As I’ve said before, it is very hard to buy a bad beer (or wine) kit to-day, manufacturers do not spend time & money to develop these kits for some numpties to go out of their way to spoil them, they tend to be fool proof but not idiot proof! I actually wonder how many of these stories are true, it is usually, as you have observed, “a mate of a mate” or “someone they work with”the expression “urban myth” springs to mind. If you want a high alcohol beverage then buy a high alcohol kit, they are freely available.

Don’t forget to give my love to Sweet Sue, I hope you both are still playing all that Jass, as you know, some of us like it hot!


Dear Sir,

You can tell how desperate I am because I’m writing to you. My problem is that I’m inundated by junk mail, do you know of a way to put a stop to it?

P. Pat


Dear Postman,

I’m afraid that like the Government & taxes, junk mail will always be with us, BUT, you can learn to enjoy receiving it. Suppose you have two letters addressed to you, both containing offers you can refuse, like the tedious Virgin TV “packages” & say American Express. To avoid any possible legal problems we will call them “A” & “B”. The basic procedure is then as follows:-

1)   This step is essential, remove all possible references to you.

2)   Place the return envelopes on a table & place the contents above their respective envelopes.

3)   Pick up envelope “A” & insert the guff from company “B”, similarly stuff envelope “B” with “A’s” fodder.

4)   Post the envelopes.

Hopefully this will give you a nice warm feeling, it costs you nothing, it creates work for our postal workers & the recipients may just get a taste of the anguish & frustration you have suffered previously. Don’t worry if one envelope is too small to hold the intended contents properly, I have, on many occasions successfully wielded a pair of scissors in order to get everything shoved in, it’s so much neater than tearing the papers up or ending up with an un-wieldy folded wodge. You will be surprised at how soon you will be able to deftly handle even larger piles of rubbish, you will find it as easy as ABC etc.

NOTE:- Only use this for un-solicited mail & not for companies/persons you deal with.


Dear Pig,

Why do you sexist MCPs refer to wines as having legs?

G. Greer


Dear Sir or Madam,

For younger readers the abbreviation is for the 1970’s (I think) term “Male Chauvinist Pig”, it was bandied around by the more aggressive of the women liberationists who quite correctly wanted equality with men. Personally, I think a lot of them sank down to the level of men rather than try to drag the male species up a few levels. I think Darwin would have approved of the latter, I certainly would have, I would also still like to see equality & not just of the sexes.


“Legs” are referred to a couple of times on the “Alligator Wine” page & just in case you are wondering what they are, here is a definition from the YoBrew Glossary page:

LEGS (or TEARS): Refers to the tear-like tracks that a wine makes down the side of a glass. Not essential for assessing the quality of a wine or a sign of quality, although some drinkers do pass comment, I personally love to see nice legs but I don’t like tears.


Right, back to your statement, referring to legs is not sexist, as far as I know, most men are fitted with a couple.


P. S. I still think “Enoch” is a funny name for a female.


Dear Pete’s Paint Spot,

If Dom Pérignon invented Champagne, who invented sparkling wine?

James Bond


Well spotted Mr. Pond,


I wondered when the penny would drop. Click here more information on this topic.


By the way, did you know that my great-great-great-great grandfather, Ernst Stavro Blofeld Laycock, invented a rather novel method of producing fizzy beer? He passed the information on to his eldest son AAH Bisto Laycock who worked in the food industry but, unfortunately, no further successes were ever recorded & the secret formula & associated process details went with him to his gravy.


Dear Pet,

My husband is adamant that you are a perfect idiot, how can I convince him that you're not.

A. Harridan


Dear Ann,

May I suggest that for once you listen to your husband! You will of course laboriously point out to him that no man is perfect. By the way, is he THE Adam Ant?


Dear P

Is it true that higher impedance 'speakers give better sound reproduction than low impedance ones?

O. M. Slaw


It’s elementary my dear Omes, consider two loudspeakers that are identical apart from their impedance. We can say for example that one is 4Ω (or 4R0 if you prefer) & the other 16Ω. If we hooked these up to a decent sound system & played some proper music (not the poor MP3 quality or any of the modern computer-generated, processed pap) the first thing we would notice is the difference in sound levels, the lower impedance driver would sound louder, if we compensated the amplifier gain to overcome this then the higher impedance unit MAY just sound better as the “damping factor” is much higher, assuming the lead impedance is equal to the amplifier output impedance at 0.1Ω then the increase will be fourfold. The benefit of this may also be negated by the increase in noise & harmonic distortion etc. Remember that the quoted impendence is only an approximate value at around 1KHz & can easily vary between less then half this to four times the value over the audio spectrum. You can make a reasonable estimate of an un-marked speaker by measuring its’ resistance & multiplying it by 1.2.


Dear PetesPeePot

Do have a problem with spelling your name incorrectly?

Konstantinos Eleftherios Papaconstantinou


No.


Dear PeaPot

I have noticed little references to a “higher being”, what about those who do not share the same God as you?

H. Gnostick


Hi Hanna,

How do you know which God (if any) I have adopted? How do you know that most religions do not have the same God & that She/He is given a different name & a different set of associated stories? Sorry if you’re offended but my site does not cater for any specific religion, all are welcome & the Non-Alcoholic Drinks page is not specifically for members with certain faiths/beliefs, it is for all, including “drinkers”.


Just so no body feels left out, here is a message for atheists:


Richard Dorkins is GOD!


(Stick that on the side of your bus Dickie!)

“Worrying You Off My Mind” by Big Bill Broonzy.

Annual 2015